The Great Usian Mardi Gras Adventure, Day 2
And on the second day, the heathens sought after adventure and good times. So after we roused ourselves in the glory of the New Orleans morning, Toad, Metzger, and I left the CrackCave and headed for the great outdoors. We found ourselves eventually in the French Quarter, where toad and I entered the Corner Store, which I am told is famous among the young and underage for their sale of alcohol to many. I arrived at the counter, forties in hand, and the boy working there turns to his mother and asks: "Mom should I sell to these guys". The mother looked at me and then at Toad and said sarcastically: "Well they look 21 don't they?". To which the boy replied completely unbelieving: "Of course they do mom." I almost wanted to show them my ID, thus proving that my purchase of Forties was not illegal, but I was having a good time in New Orleans, no reason to be nasty.
We returned and drank and then set about on our quest to walk the quarter looking for the places that would become hot spots later that evening. We happened upon a gay bar which Toad expressed a desire to go into, but we all eventually decided against. Also we found a street that was nearly paved in horse manure, the parades it held going by so frequently during the day. At this time, we looked different, walking around in broad daylight with drinks in hand. But in the days to come this would most certainly change. Eventually we returned to the Horemobile after we remembered we were supposed to meet Ian for lunch and had totally ditched him. We returned to Toad's apartment to await the arrival of Steve, who was driving in from Memphis.
At this point it was around 5:30 in the afternoon. And I can't seem to remember actually eating anything. I believe I had breakfast though, which consisted of a bowl of cereal and two beers. I must have eaten something for dinner as well because I have no recollection of starvation either. This could be the work of the beer though. It would make sense that the beer-to-food ratio I ingested that day caused me to forget hunger in light of the fun there was to be had.
When we returned to the CrackCave, Metzger and I began watching one of the most horrible movies of all time, Labyrinth. I feel so robbed after watching this movie. Many people will praise it because of WHO KNOWS WHY!? And I'm sure some will praise it because they can see David Bowie's package (Toad included). But I've listened to the soundtrack and I reserve it's songs for only the worst musical wars in my office at work. I felt cheated having used up two hours of my life on this movie. And yet, I wanted to see the whole thing so that no one would be able to make me watch it again, ever. Watching the whole thing was pretty hard though because at this time in the day I was already past the point of no return on the way to drunksville.
As the movie was winding down, Steve arrived with a duffel bag and a 42 ounce gatorade bottle with some yellow gatorade in it. He quickly informs us that he is holding an Aspen Snow gatorade bottle but Aspen Snow Gatorade is clear. The gears begin to turn, what else is the color of the substance in Steve's bottle. "Yes Gentlemen" Steve begins "The substance you see before you is mine own urine!". And so Steve goes into his story. He was flying down the interstate at 80+ miles per hour when he realized he really had to go to the bathroom. But, the dilemma is that he really doesn't want to stop in Mississippi, he wants to go straight to New Orleans. He assesses his situation finding a 32 ounce cup from subway and a 42 ounce Gatorade bottle. He decides not to risk it and goes with the bottle. As he is *ahem* filling the bottle he gets scared because he is starting to get near the top and he doesn't think he's done yet. He prepares to dump the bottle and resume urinating as fast as possible, but just as he devises this plan he comes side by side with a school bus of children. Finally, the urine stops, just a little shy of overflow. So, Steve caps the bottle and keeps it in his car to show to us upon his arrival. Marvelous.
Eventually, we settle down, deciding not to go out into the world again this day and to let everyone rest. We look at the lava lamp, we talk, we drink, Toad tries for 20 minutes to put a matress protector on his bed, which I eventually point out he is putting on sideways. And then, Steve finds the Kool-Aid. At this point he launches into a sermon about how Kool-Aid is God's gift to the poor black communities of the south and how white people do not understand it's virtues or how to make Kool-Aid correctly. A sermon, which I have recorded some of here:
So Steve tutors us in the not-so-anchient art of Kool-Aid-Kai-Do and we drink of it's oh-so-sugary nectar. Which is really a correct adjective for it, since with the large amount of sugar he added, it was much more of a nectar than a liquid. I must say however, after a day of beer and other small foods, it was some of the best stuff I had ever tasted. So, we all revered his greatness. We then launched into conversation which had twists and turns, and eventually went to sleep for the night. Steve taking the matress in the kitchen, I on the couch and Toad and Metzger cuddled closely in the bed. They will tell you this isn't true, but even though I didn't see it happen I'll bet it did. You can listen to a small portion of our night's conversation here:
I actually don't know what's playing in the background of this conversation. But I'm pretty sure it's not Kraftwerk, which Toad subjected us to earlier. It sure is horrible though. If you can't make out all the voices, Toad is the one singing along, I am the one pointing out that Steely Dan won a grammy, and the other two are Metzger and Steve discussing Pat Boone.