History of National Kick a Brit in the Nuts Week

Since many americans are not familiar with the Holiday week that is National Kick a Brit in the Nuts Week, I feel that it is my place to explain a little of the history of the holiday and what it's all about. So here for you on usian.org I will recount as best I know, this history of said holiday. It's actual a rather noble and patriotic story. So sit back and read on, as I share some of America's history with you.

As is common knowledge, our country used to be nothing more than a British colony. But then, our forefathers rose up like the hornery hicks they were, and they overthrew the British, sending them right back to Britland. But of course as most can understand there was some bitterness left over after the revolution. So, the newly formed confederation decided that they would devote a holiday so that the people could vent their frustration against the British. Now, in these times, the frustration was high, and the holiday devoted was the entire third week of August. Later, the Confederation crumbled and gave way to the Constitution and the United States of America.

The holiday still remained however, eventually the resentment for the British was forgotten. National Kick a Brit in the Nuts Week dwindled and eventually became National Kick a Brit in the Nuts Day. This day was the Friday of the third week of August. After the Civil War however, with England's helping the Southern Confederacy, the Holiday sparked up to a full week again. And all was right in the country once more. People really enjoyed a holiday such as this. It provided a healthy scapegoat and one that everyone unanimously agreed they could blame for their problems.

Eventually however, with the rise of the 20th Century, America decided that a national holiday that was so jaded towards a certain type of person was not something they wanted to stain public affairs and just stopped mentionning the holiday. National Kick a Brit in the Nuts Week and even National Kick a Brit in the Nuts Day were eventually stricken from calendars and slowly, the public forgot.

The country went through several wars and progressed with civil rights and such. Veteran's Day and Labor Day were added, holidays that everyone loved. Several other minor holidays added. But no one remembered the time when Americans came together to give the British a good healthy kick to the nuts. No one really seemed to care. After all, they all loved the Beatles. How could anyone want to kick Brits? Well, it's a deep seeded desire. Everyone in the world would like to kick the British. They almost owned the whole thing at one point and they've wronged everyone from the Chinese, to the Indians, to Africa. So eventually, after the 60's and early 70's, people began to get it in the back of their minds again. Kick the British. Kick them right in their funny talking fag smoking nuts.

In the late 90's, after Khaled Mardem-Bey released mIRC 5.2, I was upset. I'm not sure what about anymore but I was certain that his error was purely because it was british coded. I also have a problem with the words colour, armour, shoppe, and all the british things that people say because they think it's right. At any rate, I didn some searching and I found record of National Kick a Brit in the Nuts Week. So I started digging. I found most of the information above in the library, looking up what people used to do for fun in the days after the Revolutionary War. I thought it was a great holiday and the British seemed like they weren't really offended by it, so I decided I wanted to make sure everyone I knew heard about this holiday. I told most people but not many of them really got into the spirit of it.

Some people call me mean spirited or "delusionally psychotic" but they don't see the joy of the holiday. You remember that guy in National Lampoon's European Vacation? I think of the British like that. They don't really care that we kick them in the nuts once a year for a holiday. They like to have a good time too. Besides, they nearly kill themselves every time there's a soccer game. So the point is, don't feel bad, everyone's in it for the fun. Go out there and kick some Brits.