The Universe Strikes Back

This weekend started as any other could. Not entirely too bad, not necessarily spectacular. On Friday, I was happy to hae not spent any money whatsoever and still received a new Dreamcast game, free lunch with free drinks, Breakfast, and was offered a free cigar, although I don't smoke cigars so I turned that down. I retired early on Friday because I was supposed to go snowboarding with Erik and Sanjay the next day. And before we slept, we watched part of Gladiator, which is a fine movie.

I awoke early to having a cat thrown on me. Not necessarily clean, and not necessarily well rested, we set out for... The Mountain™. Erik was to drive us to some Snowboarding fun. I would sleep in the car and then we would arrive and go snowboarding. But the Universe had other plans. Erik's car is inferior. It has no 60/40 split in the rear seat so putting half down to allow snowboards becomes impossible. My car however.. has this. And to avoid sitting with snowboards, I opted to drive. A small, yet integral strike from our good friend The Universe.

Now, we need breakfast. Thinking that we will be taking the 210 Freeway East to get there, I head east to a Bagel shop and Methbucks for Erik the Coffee Fiend. But then, plans change and we will go west and then north to arrive there, through the twisty Angeles Crest Highway. So I turn around and notice I need some gas. Sanjay needed something from the trunk, so I allowed him access. To my horror, when walking towards the trunk I see the hatch go down and then a small piece of plastic comes rolling towards my feet. My Acura embelem stares up at me, severed from my car. I look up at Sanjay, and he just laughs. You see, he closed the trunk by grabbing the embelem and it broke off. The Universe gloats as my car drops in value.

Now we reach the mountain. 65 dollars it cost me to go snowboarding, plus gas. And now... the falling. And falling and falling and a little snowboarding and then some more falling. Then a lot more falling. And some sliding and scraping followed immediately by more falling and finally, falling, falls, falling, more falls, falling over myself and somersaulting and then finally, more falls and sliding. So I made it to the bottom of the hill. Now it's time to go back up again. Well, the second time I went up and then went down, I was able to stand more often. This means less falls in general but harder faster falls when I did fall down. And fall down I did. You see, The Universe isn't a very nice person. I like to paintball, and that hurts when you get shot and some people don't like this. I personally don't mind. Now I figured I could go and snowboard down Mother Nature's back and everything might be okay. But Mother Nature didn't like this too much. And she beat my ass like a dog. I got my ass kicked by a hill. Toppled, and tossed, twisted and laid out like a rag doll. I got smacked in the knees, beat on the elbows, fell on my ass more times than I am years old, and knocked on my back hitting my head while going faster than I can run.

So, bruised and discouraged, I decided I had done enough for the day and sat around for a while. Eventually we decided to go home. Being the sore wussy that I was, I decided to take a different route home, neglecting to remember that Rush Hour was just starting. The Universe smiled watching me go 20 miles per hour for 2 hours. Finally reaching home, I was releaved to go to sleep. Happy to be done with my day of ordeal. But the Universe is cruel as well as not very nice.

I awoke in the most exquisite pain I had felt in a long time. I could barely move. Not only that but my knees were battered, making crawling also very painful. So I laid on my couch and waited. The pain did not subside. In fact, my neck, which who the hell knows why it was sore, only got worse. So, by Monday, still in pain, I stayed home from work. Which is when I started writing this Article. But after typing a paragraph I collapsed on the ground in pain from my wrists. And thus I am writing this today, a day later, when I can finally move again. Free to complain about my weekend and pretend it's a real article. Oh. And damn you Sanjay.