Government Offices

I hate the DMV. I really really really hate the DMV. I've spent more time in the DMV in a single day than I have in grocery stores since I moved to California. So, with that established, there is good reason for me to normally express my distaste when I passed by the Pasadena DMV in my friend Erik's car. I hissed, and screamed something along the note of:


Erik laughed, hard. I think I made up the fact that he swerved around a little bit before he stopped laughing. He told me that all government institutions should have more appropriate names. And so this tho guht evolved. The DM Fucking V, or Department of Fucking Motor Vehicles (Hold on, I'll explain placement in a second!), most of you will agree is aptly named. Say 'DM Fucking V' once out loud to see how right it sounds. Go on.. Say it.

So, the gist of it goes like this: Take the acronym or multi-syllable name of a government institution that sucks. In my first example, the DMV. Next, try inserting a swear word. As you can see from DM Gosh Darn V, that you need to pick a strong one or you just end up sounding silly. Then, once you've got the abbreviated form down, convert to full name so that when someone asks you to repeat what you said, you can treat them like they're a moron. That's my favorite part. Now strict interpretters of this rule like to place the swear word in the same place. In our example this would make it the 'Department of Motor FUCKING Vehicles', but that sounds like they're fucking up your motor. So here is a corollary, place the swear word in the most appropriate place for extended form, like so: 'Department of FUCKING Motor Vehicles'. When we were discussing this Erik then offered the slightly more vulgar: 'Fucking Department of Fucking Motoer Fucking Vehicles... FUCK!'. While I thought this was funny, it didn't roll off the tongue quite as easily, so I stick with my own interpretation.