Augh! Goto Dot Com is a pretty weird place as serch engines go. It's ugly, bad start right there. It's also simple. Simple can be good sometimes, but in the case of a search engine, it's not. I like to be able to do a lot of things with a search engine; like search for spanish speaking french poodles only on fuschia websites with blinking rotating happy faces that had Barbara Streisand's name in the title bar. I think AltaVista has a checkmark box for that.

So as my point settles in about sucking and stuff, I'll begin my little tale. Driving through Los Angeles one night I saw this huge billboard that just had this enormous Goto.Com advertisement on it. Aghast, I jumped backward and audibly blurted:


My travelling companions were very surprised to say the least. None of them said anything to me though, so the day continued. Later on, about a month I think, I saw another one. Then another, and another after that. My reaction was markedly the same each time. The initial shock kept returning to scare me out of my seat.

Then, unbeknownst to me, I found a billboard close to me. I didn't really find it so much as gape in shock at it. And, as usual, I would jump or scream when I saw it. To me, this was getting out of hand! had more billboards than actual listed sites. These billboards were everywhere I went, every night I went out I would see one! As Raoul Duke (Fear and Loathing..) would say: "Holy Jesus, what are these goddamn animals!?"

So one night, I was riding somewhere with Eric and then out of nowhere is a billboard. Jumping out of the night sky like some kind of bloodthirsty gazelle. I screamed, trying to avoid it's simplistic stare.


"What the Fuck!? Why do you always do that!?" was the immediate response.

"Huh?" I quickly retorted, brain churning full tilt.

"Every time we go by that sign you say that." Eric explained.

"Uhh.. THAT sign?"

"Yes, that same sign, every time we pass it you say that."

Hmm... it seems I had made an error. In my perpetual shock that had billboards, I totally forgot the surrounding environment when I saw it, thus leaving it surprising again next time I passed the sign. It seems that I had been screaming out in surprise at the same sign for almost two months. Nightly.

Note: The billboard has since been removed and replaced with one that has a floating woman reading the newspaper on it.