The Great Pants Revolution of '98

Pants are a necessity in our modern day. They cover your hairy legs, they keep you warm, they keep you from getting arrested for streaking. I wear pants. Quite often actually. When I was young I would wear jeans, some sweatpants and the occasional pair of pants that had patterns on them. You know the kind, they were very popular in the 80's, had no warmth whatsoever and ripped at the earliest sign of friction.

So, eventually all my 80's pants started to lose popularity, and ripped themselves to oblivion. I had a few pairs of sweat pants which I wore from time to time, although by this time I was getting to be a young teen. Any 12-15 year old boy knows that sweatpants can lead to some embarrassing situations, so I wore them less and less frequently. This is probably a good thing anyway since sweatpants aren't exactly the most debonaire of clothing articles.

At around age 16 I stopped wearing jeans. Now, here you may be thinking: "Wait, that leaves you with no pants". But before you get that image in your head, I'll tell you that I stopped wearing jeans because I started wearing slacks. Full time. Slacks are a wonderful style of pants, superior to many other types of pants. Slacks have large pockets, they're light, easily folded, and loko distinguished. Plus they were required for my job, which is why I had them in the first place.

So, as my collection of slacks grew and I stopped wearing jeans, there came the era of monogamy in pants. Slacks only and only black slacks at that, damnit. Slacks were cool for a long time. Then I had enough to go a full week without needing to wash any of them so I stopped buying more pairs. When I moved to California I took them all with me and due to them being much lighter, they were good in the new climate.

The slacks, I noticed, were becoming faded. Some were ripped as well. And above all, they were beginning to get the slightest bit short for my legs. So, in a rare move, I went shopping. An important factor about clothes shopping I am lucky enough to have stumbled upon: Always ALWAYS take a woman with you. I'd be dressed in felt lined plaid golf pants if not for women. I bought jeans once again. The Revolution Was Beginning.

Standing there in the dressing room, looking down at the jeans which were slightly longer than my legs I couldn't help but wonder why I was agreeing to wear wide pants like this. But, grudgingly, I stepped out to display myself. This is the important part about having a woman come shopping with you:

     "Oh, that looks pretty good!" She said.

I bought them. I took them home, wore them a couple times, and found them to be immensely comfortable. Wide jeans have a good deal of ... breathing room, you may say. That's a huge bonus.

A few months later, as another pair of slacks bit the dust, I replaced them with a pair of courderoys. Courderoys have the interesting attribute of feeling like pajamas from the inside. When you try on something that is immediately comfortable, you should buy at least one. Then came Christmas 98. And the Pants revolution was in full swing.

In the aftermath, I now own several types of pants, distributed fairly evenly. The reign of black slacks has ended and there is peace and harmony throughout my dresser.