Chilly Pig

Erik owns a lot of interesting things. He has stuffed animals, lots of speakers, a dead woman's bed, and a green refridgerator. Although Erik himself doesn't drink, within that fridge is a varying amount of alcohol. Now of course, Drunk people will do things like, continually look into the fridge. So, every time that there are drunks in the house, a pig will come out of the freezer and fly across the room.

When I told this to my friend Sean he thought that there was some pretty crazy drinking going on if people were seeing flying pigs. While the hallucination of flying pigs would be an interesting story to tell, the pig is no hallucination, and it doesn't exactly fly. Residing in Erik's freezer is the Chilly Pig. No one knows quite why a little pig about the size of a mouse would want to live in a freezer, but he enjoys it thoroughly, because he's always smiling when you open it up and see him staring back out at you.

Normally when Chilly Pig is discovered by a drunk, the scenario goes a little something like this. Drunk: Hey, there's a pig in your freezer *wobble*. Then, upon entering the living room, I will inform them that this is chilly pig and that he lives in the freezer. The most common event after this is that the drunk will throw the chilly pig either at me or a wall, depending on their aim and BAC.

One would ask Erik why he would let a miniature pig live in his freezer, but I don't think he would answer. Erik has been known to let a bum sleep in his closet and our friend Brian was even given a room that should have been a broom closet. I myself live on his sofa on weekends. So, it must be his hospitality that puts up with the Chilly Pig. Besides, Chilly Pig never eats anything and stays out of the way, that's a lot more than could be said for the bum that used to live in the closet: Doorknob Bob. But that's another story.

The Chilly Pig even shows up in conversation every now and then. And not with the aid of alcohol. A good example of this is a song that we sing in the Mall, or how Erik will spontaneously throw out the phrase Chilly Pig when talking to people at work. Also, Brian will sometimes ask how Chilly Pig is doing. I normally am forced to respond with: "He's cool" (Evil Pun-O-Matic!). Plus, there are people like Tanya, who say things like: "You keep a pig in the freezer. You guys are so weird!" every now and then to try and spite us.

In an experiment, I recently placed a dollar, labeled Chilly Dollar in the fridge. It has been removed twice with the question: "Why is there a chilly dollar in the fridge?". It has since become Disgusting Chilly Dollar, though, after it was placed under a watermelon that had rotted. Because of this I think that the Chilly Dollar will be a permanent fridge fixture, as I don't want to put it back into my wallet anymore. So, Chilly Pig is also a rich pig now as well.

As you can see, letting a miniature pig live in your freezer can certainly liven up a house. Even though some people will look at you funny, or throw your pig across the room, a Chilly Pig is a great companion and a wonderful house guest. Every now and then girls will come over to see the Chilly Pig too, which means he's more than welcome to stay in the freezer as long as he wants.