There is a Horrible Man-Thing at IHOP!

The International House of Pancakes is truly a great eating establishment. There are few places where you can be served so many breakfast foods at any time. Dennys may have belgian waffles and a few other notables, but IHOP has truly strange and delicious breakfast foods all day long. Except the Apple-cinnamon pancakes. For gods sake, NEVER get those. They're too sweet.

But I digress.. In the history of my friends there was once a period of time when Erik and Michael would frequent IHOP in order to see the beautiful waitresses and chance at talking to them. This period was rumorred to have ended and those waitresses that were once cute were replaced with ugly ones. Recently, Eddie and I went to IHOP and were seated at a table where we were waited on by two very friendly very pretty waitresses. I was overjoyed that perhaps dark times had ended.

I told Erik and Michael and the rest of them that the IHOP near us had some pretty cute waitresses working at it again and tried to get them to go there for the meal that was at hand ( I don't know which meal this was .. the one at 3 in the afternoon ). They countered with an assured statement that the waitresses were quite ugly and then we all drove to a different IHOP where the waitresses were cute (How all the cute waitresses end up in one IHOP or another is beyond me... there needs to be more cute waitresses at Olive Garden.). I remembered that the time Eddie and I had gone it was later on in the evening so it would not have been the right shift. Conceding my point, I enjoyed some nice pancakes and the issue was retired.

Just the other week, Eric and I needed to get something to eat. I suggested IHOP again, craving pancakes of the highest caliber. Sadly, I forgot about condiering what shift it was. When we got to the restaurant it was the noon shift. Not a good time to pick. When we walked in I was happy to see that there was a very cute waitress standing around, then we were seated and she walked away. Within a few minutes I looked up only to be shocked nearly to the point of screaming by the monstrous Man-Thing that stood near the table, ready to take out orders. I still cannot say for sure whether it was man or woman, although I assume it was woman because it was wearing a dress/moomoo. This man-thing was about 5 feet tall and about as far across. The most gruesome part was it's/her face, covered with a coat of dark fur. The woman had more of a mustache than I've ever had in my life... and sideburns that would put Elvis to shame. I was frightenned.

I ordered some french toast and Eric had some chocolate chip pancakes. He didn't really mean to order them but they were the first thing he saw on the menu and he picked something quickly to try to get the Man-Thing to go away. I also ordered a Caraffe of orange juice, which the Man-Thing pronounced 'karaft'. As it lumbered off, we tried to recover from the horribly furry experience. Eventually, the food came, and we made it very clear that we would be fine and didn't want to order anything else. Thankfully, the Man-Thing did not bother us while we were eating.

The noon shift at IHOP that day was definitely the ugly shift. The cute waitress I saw when we came in was gone, all the workers were strangely hard to look at. It was difficult not to turn away quickly when they walked up to you. I thank my lucky stars that I didn't find any hair in my food that day. *shudder*