The History of Hosting

Ahoy there readers! Tis I, the scourge of Latin America, Emanual Escobar here to shiver your land loving souls with a tale as old as the sea herself. Or at least I was until that scurvy son of a sea crab Jesse told me that needed a little more self-referential content. "Blast your eyes man!" I says, "If your site talks anymore about itself, it'll blow like a cannon aimed for a fat merchant ship." But he wouldn't listen to reason, and the piracy business is slow these days so I'll be needing all the writing work I can get.

So I'm here to tell you the tale of the website more orange than a fresh juicy citrus. As some of you may have noticed, the site recently went down with over one hundred souls. The source of the trouble was no mere downtime either. Aye, it was an actual cancellation of service. The ship's been righted now, else ye wouldn't be reading this, but the travel to safe webhosting was long and arduous, and frought with storms.

Way back when, young Jesse wanted a website to store the booty of mIRC scripts and the scripts for the failed stories of the Usian Chronicles. Geocities held no safe harbor for him though, as complaints caused his 2MB web space to sink like a rock to the bottom of the ocean. He shored up on borrowed webhosting for a while, but soon outgrew it's riggings and needed more space and bandwidth to satisfy his needs. Working in Web Support at Earthlink, he secured a domain name at last and set his spyglass on 10 MB of shiny web space. For a time, all was right on the internet, had been born-- albeit with a design that'd make your eyepatch curl.

In the beginning, this web account had been discounted, based on his employee status and service to Her Majesty's Navy. But trouble brewed in the billing system, and soon the tariffs mounted on his invoiced billing. Not long after, his discounted hosting became a mere spectre on the wind. What once cost only 10 dubloons was now over 25. The site doing poorly and his crew aching for home, Jesse decided to simply stop paying.

The ship of could have gone down here and never surfaced again, but miraculously, the site was never taken down. Invoices came asking for money, but Jesse still never paid. He had at last become a true pirate, sailing under cover of the cludgy billing system and stealing what web space and traffic he needed for to survive. This continued on for many years, and he watched as each montly invoice grew. At one point, over six hundred dollars were owed in back hosting fees, a high price for a treasure so light. One day at work, he received a call regarding his errant billing. The land lubber on the other end informed him of his balance. To stave off impending doom, Jesse claimed the site should have been free as it was needed for internal testing. A day later, the debt was gone, whisked away from the system like cannon smoke in the wind.

It all looked like clear sailing until upgrades to the web system loomed on the horizon. These changes threatened to destroy the sites without billing, keeping the seas of Earthlink's hosting farm free from piracy. A truly dastardly plot. To cover his tracks and stay ahead of the game, the billing for was removed, severing it from the web hosting system and leaving only a hull to roam the internet and deliver content. And so, the site survived.

This continued for some time, and all seemed perfect on the calm waters. September 17th 2003, terror came from a completely different angle. The Naval force of Network Solutions cancelled the registration for, sinking her with a single shot. As the ship was going down, the web system suddenly upgraded, wiping out the remaining files that used to be there. Two blows were struck, and was gone from the internet. Were it not for the rowboat carrying's creator away from the destruction, this would be the end of our story.

Jesse's boat was leaky and old, but even when the wood began to rot and fall into the ocean, he swam for the shore of a small island. He learned the ways of paying for cheap, yet appealing hosting from the aboriginal tribes there and set his mind upon bringing back to the world. After digging the password to's domain registration from the trash washed up on shore and solving the problem of the domain's existence, he set himself toward hosting.

Getting hosting was easy, like bribing Columbian customs officials. Getting the ship righted again took some work. The sails didn't work, the hull wasn't complete, and it leaked like a stuck pig. Not to be detered, he and his crew broke their backs for three days rebuilding their ship and finally set to sea. A new era stood before them. A site with database, php, and the future of T-Shirts available for sail... er I mean sale via the web. Promises were made of updates, gold, revamped greeting cards, and other wondrous items. And even though a pirate's word is not to be trusted by those too weak for the harsh life at sea, I see no storms up ahead.

Editor's Note: Emanual Escobar is a long time friend (foe!) of and has been known to help out with content from time to time. He makes a living as a drug smuggler and pirate in South America but still finds time to visit his nemesis in the United States. Just beware of his exaggerations. I mean... I didn't steal anything, so I don't know what he's talking about.