Current Replies

i was wondering... what colour should i paint my bathroom...
Well, you could go with many options. White rooms will unconciously feel bigger and roomier. Yellow rooms will feel warmer, especially with brighter yellows. Orange rooms will make you feel like you're looking at all the time. Black rooms will make you feel like taking up smoking, smack, and bad gothic poetry. While you're at it, wear a velvet moo-moo. My presonal recommendation is red, though. Blood red. Think of the joy of bathing, brushing, grooming, and defacating surrounded by the color of warm, fresh blood.

Where does one find some friendly gerbils?
Oh! Oh HA HA! I get it. You really wanted to ask a question about gerbils and butts and duct tape, but you thought I wouldn't put it up or answer it if you cut to the point. Well! If you want to find some "friendly" gerbils, look in someone's butt! They're reeeeal happy. Until they die choking to death on noxious butt fumes. You know it's because of sick questions like this that I get so many hits from people searching for: "What does semen taste like?"

Are all cats the foul spawn of satan?
There's no easy answer to this question. Unless you count "yes." That's a pretty simple answer.

Just like humans, Mother Earth's head, or in this case her sky, turns blue when you put a giant rubber band around her neck.

Spinless is really spelt spinEless.
Actually, I believe it is you who are mistaken. While it's easy to believe that I meant to type spineless, meaning one who is without a spine, or a coward, this is not the case. You see, I meant to type spinless, or one who is without spinning. Now I know it's fun to pretend you're an editor, but we don't make mistaeks here at

I am decorating the inside of my chicken house in the leghorn theme. I cant find many pictures to go by for the colors. Can you help me?
This may be the most difficult math problem I've seen here in the Ask Us section. I think I'm up to the task. First we need to isolate the variables. We have Chickens. They're about as variable as you can get. Then we have Color. Now when you multiply chickens by 12 and then add color, you get a dozen chickens of color. With this large gang of chickens combined with the large crime rate among young colored chickens, and you get 134, a large number indeed. That number backwards is 431, add those twelve chickens, and subtract the number of colors in your chicken coop, and you have your answer. I'm glad that I could help you out.

who is the author?
The author is the person who writes, usually an article, book, poem, or other form of literature.

do third nipples actually exist??its like u dont take them seriously. :(
I take nipples very seriously. It's the sex toy industry that doesn't take them seriously. When have you ever seen a trio of nipple clamps, or more than two nipple suction devices. I guess they expect everyone with a third nipple to have a fourth one too and just buy twice as much. It's sad that those people who are bringing more nipple into this world, truly giving 110% are being punished for their good deeds.

Jesus, I don't know. Just give me that gauze and would you keep your fucking voice down?

Hh, iam a male and I have never met a jock in my life till know and I really like her. So i was wondering if you can tell me what I can do so that she would like me please! Please! Please!
From watching movies and television you might think that good advice would be: "just be yourself" or "show her a good time, and girls love a sense of humor." That's a load of hooey. Find out what sport it is that's making her into a jock. Then paint your ass cheeks to look like something from that sport, like a giant baseball or basketball. Walk up to her, turn around and drop your pants. She should respond with a beaming ray of love.

What if there are more than ten ants?
Shut. Up. Kevin.

where can I get some Nectar of the Ghetto?
Any old liquor store, grocery mart, or other alcohol peddling establishment should be able to help you out. The truest and most wonderful Nectar of the Ghetto comes from Greece though. Hig atop mount olympus, in the heart of the land of the gods, there's a housing project. This guy I know, Leon, lives there. He quit his job last February and has a home distillery now that's actually pretty popular. If you really want a forty to remember, you go see him. Tell him I sent you. Watch out for the dogs though.