Reply Archive XV

why is it that I like the rest of the internet crack head fucks out here can't ever sleep ? here it is 3:30 and instead of having nice little dreams I'm sitting here typing in a text box that I feel really should be a text area while also thinking that I need to get off my lazy raver ass and do something with my life, site, or something but nooooo so body's older brother had to go and screw everything up by failing his drivers test..............shut up brad..........oh god those voices again fucking goonies. But seriously though what is the
Well, you got cut off so I really don't know what the real question was, but if you can fill up a page worth of text with rambling, maybe YOU have what it takes to write for usian.org. I mean really, just making a large amount of text between pictures is all that's needed for this site. No one reads what the words say anyway.

If someone continually starts repetitive arguments with you ("Give me." "No." "Give me." "No." "Give me." "No."), calls you annoying, childish names ("You're a dweeb." "HEY!"), enjoys swinging sticks and knocking over trees in your immediate vicinity, and calling your phone number, then not saying anything just to hear you have an odd conversation with yourself, thinking there is no one on the line ("Hello? Hello. Okay, no one there. How are you? I'm all right, only I wish *person X* would call instead of you. You're a rather lacking conversationalist. You know, 1984 was a really good book, but I didn't like the ending..."), what does it mean, how often does a person like this come along, and how should one go about getting rid of them?
In cases where someone is trying to be annoying, and this is definitely one of them, I would say that a good way to get rid of them is the old "Brick on a Rope" technique. The basics of this are all in the name. First, take soap on a rope. Then think of the scene in Full Metal Jacket where they beat up Pile with the Soap. Now remove the soap, and put in a brick. Most people don't have time to be annoying in the infirmary.

the other day, my grandma and i were sitting out front looking at the powerlines, there was a finch there watching us, she said it was a cospirator to spy on us, it left a few minutes later and she said it went back to report to the others. are they going to kill us?
No, your granny has a mental disease. Unfortunately you will probably have to put her to sleep. Just like poochie. Some would say you could put her in a home, but what if granny slips into some sort of fanatical rage and starts killing people? So you see, this is the best way.

in the reply archive 4, the "question" that you wanted with more meat and potatoes, did you know it's lyrics from a nine inch nails song?
Yes, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to eat while I answer these things.

What kind of man shouts "DON'T TOUCH MANKEY, MY PANIS"?
A man who is being harassed by someone touching his panis.

What does "usian" mean? It's an acronym for something dumb, isn't it?
Yeah, probably.

are you gay?
For the answer to this, life's greatest mystery, I called Miss Cleo because she knows everything. She told me she got the Ace of Cups, so I called her a lying bitch and hung up on her.

What will happen if i spoke crack everyday?
I'm shore nothing wood happin if you spoke crak evry daye. You may spend a lot of monee on it tho.

why is suicide illegal?
Partially because for people with Multiple Personality Disorder, it murder. Also to make it more enticing to teenagers, they'll try anything illegal.

is elvis alive?
No, Elvis died a few years back while he was living in the underground tunnels of Denver. He was secretly helping Will Smith produce a new rock/boy-band/rap album that would propel him to even higher stardom than he has already attained. Unfortunately the underground of Denver was overrun with giant radioactive rats, escaped from a nearby lab and they devoured The King in less than 20 minutes. It was on CNN.. or wait.. Weekly World News.