Reply Archive IV

I saw this posted on a street cone at the intersection of Rosemead and Longden; ambiguous. What does this all mean???
Seeing the famous Ambiguous street cone normally means that you're going to crash your car. If you see it on foot, you should also look out for falling tree limbs which may jump out of the sky at you with no reason or warning. You may be a marked man, I would watch myself if I were in your position. Sorry friend.

Why are you so far behind Xeno in the Trinity Challenge? (I like cheese.)
I devote my weekends to the collection of new experiences so that I have fresh things to write about. I got a good one this weekend and I'll probably be writing an editorial about it tonight. As for being SO far behind, I'm only one update behind at the writing of this answer.

i have a really nice butt, what should i do?
There may be a pervert wandering around your town that would want to pay you money to touch that butt.

can i chat with a girl
Unlike the AOL commercials would like you to believe, not that many socially active, beautiful, and 'normal' girls actually go online just to chat around. Most of those types go to talk to their real life friends anyway. So my answer is yes, you can, but she might be psycho.

do you like sex
Yes, I do. Although I wish I had more of it.

I'm not sure of what i should do, when every thought im thinking of is you. All of my excuses turn to lies, maybe hore will cover up her eyes....
Please rephrase your question with more meat and potatoes, that way I will have hearty meal when answering it.

Do you read Maxim, YOU STUPID PLAGIARIST!!
Yes, I read Maxim

Us_, why are woman evil? I had a girl let me touch her and now that i told her i don't like her cuz we don't have anything to talk about she hates me, what should i do?
In this case, the most pimp plan of action would be from Ash in Army of Darkness. Use this line: "Gimme some sugar baby", then kiss her. When she gets serious, give her this line: "That's just what we call... pillow talk baby", then split for the future or a haunted graveyard or something. Otherwise, if she really is just boring as all hell, let her go.

Why are your answers so damn funny?
My mother was infused with alien vampire blood when I was in her womb, making me something more than human, alien, OR vampire.

Well I'll be frank, I don't understand any of this????? Please explain. Also once again I'll check back for your answer. I hope.
Alright, underneath the box, we place the bait. In our current case, this would be the cheese. After you've done this, make sure that the box has been suspended by the stick. And around this stick is tied your length of string. Make sure that the length of string is long enough for you to hold onto while still concealing yourself so that the prey will not suspect the trap. When your prey has started to feast or take the bait, pull your string and voila! You've caught your victim. This will also work with dollar bills and refridgerator boxes if you want to catch bums. Make sure in that case that the dollar is stuck up inside the box so the bum has to crawl all the way inside. The sober bums will just reach under with their hand if you don't.

question, who am I when you dont know me?
My guess is that you're a cross dresser. Most people who know me know pretty much that I put up with most anything. I would even put up with cross dressers, except that if you're a really good cross dresser, I might not recognize you, therefore creating the 'I don't know you' scenario. Of course, if you're a bad cross dresser, then when I don't know you, you'd probably be Ed Wood, because I never knew him and he was a bad cross dresser.

Did it ever occur to you that the same person could be asking you all these stupid questions?
What a stupid question.

When did you get the nickname Us and who gave it to you?
I seem to remember promising that I wouldn't answer this question anymore. But since I can't remember why I promised it, since it's a great story, I'll answer it. Back when I was a troubled teenager with lots more zits than I have now, I would go on IRC and tell people that I had mild multiple personality disorder. Because of this, I would call myself Us, because there were two of us talking at all times. I would never speak anything in first person, always in first person plural. I was never quite sure of anyone really believed me but I got really good at substituting 'we' for 'I'. Thankfully, I'm a different kind of weird now.